Total Pageviews

Saturday, February 5, 2011

First blog ever

This is my first blog ever. To cement the momentousness of this occasion, I decided I would first use the word 'Momentousness' and then overlay an ancient summoning special into my digitally represent words. Nothing major, just a small portal. Anyone reading this may feel some internal discomfort in their abdomen, more so for most males. As you read these words, you're basically unwittingly agreeing to an infernal pact in which you take on the responsibility of birthing a malformed half of a soul. If you stop reading before the end of the passage, however, you should notice a bloody discharge and a few lumps of gristle in your stool. Women will pass this through their uterus like a regular still born fetus, but it will still smell the same as a bowel movement. Hopefully you're not still reading if you don't understand the beauty and immensity of the task before you. In about 1 week of gestation, a snarling humanoid with proportions and features unique to your demonic birthing will burst from your stomach. No worries, the creature isn't fully formed, and it will inevitably get it's foul blood and weeping ichor on you, and your unique bond causes it to heal any damage sustained during 'birth'. You may name the disgusting beast whatever you wish, some grow up to ten feet tall with slavering razor-filled maws and powerful claws, so it is not recommended you name it something like "Fluffy" or "Amber". If, later on, you manage to best your monster child in a battle of wits and wills, it may choose to reveal it's True Name, a powerful thing, indeed!

Other than the money making scheme I've rigged up here, by the time you end this sentence you should have a mostly-formed daemonchild inside you, so have fun, be safe, and click my ads!

No comments:

Post a Comment